Hey guys. Sorry for the super duper long delay of posts in this blog. It's just I've been more active in my personal Tumblr which is so much like my online diary to the point I talk about personal stuff like my crush and enemies and my past. Technically, it's a place where I pour my soul into when I couldn't in my everday life.
But isn't it stupid you would probably think. What if some person comes across my online diary and reads my whole soul there? And doesn't it defeat the purpose of secrecy, revealing personal things in the world wide web? Maybe. But in my opinion, I feel much better typing about it rather than keeping a diary or journal for reasons I can't explain. Somehow, with all the personal stuff I write I want them to be heard even if I keep them from the rest of the world when I'm out with people.
It's a risk, too. I once wrote about how much I had some problems with some people in school and after a while, those people confronted to me about it. About how they found that blog of mine, I would never know. They never told me anyway. But the thing is since I am a bit reserved to myself about how I feel towards other people, I give it all out on my blog.
Also, some people in school read about my love life. Something so personal yet I reveal so much in my blog. But not too much. Just stuff that seems relevant to me. I write mostly about the guy I like or sometimes, about guys I've liked in the past. No matter how much I keep stuff like that a mystery in school, the persons who read about it will tend to ask who is it I'm referring to which is something I try to escape since I detail sometimes some kilig incidents(but I never reveal names. WTH would I do that?Haha).
Everything in the internet is written in ink. Even if I delete whatever I wrote in the past, it will always leave a mark somehow. I am now careful about what I write...er, type pala. About people. About incidents. About everything. Sure, it feels good to type out what happened in your day or how you feel but sometimes, there are things that are meant to keep to yourself whether it's that uber kilig moment with your crush or how much you loathe someone. :)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Hate on Me
To be honest, there are more people who don’t like me in school than those who like me. And I’m not a bitch to begin with.
I get the term “weird” from them like all the fucking time. Why? I like being weird but what these people mean when they use it on me is so wrong. It’s meant negatively. Just because I like bands they’ve never even heard of or would rather listen to the teacher’s lectures instead of flirting with my classmates or never even had a boyfriend doesn’t make me bad. If you are smart enough to know, it’s the opposite. Do I really have to do bad just to get on the good side of people in my school?
Sometimes, I wonder if it’s just me. My siblings blame me a lot for the majority of hate I get. I just don’t adapt or even try to fit in. They tell me to try to alter my personality or my differences a bit. Don’t stand out too much. I call that “being plastic”. I don’t even try to stand out but I guess that just comes because I’m not like everyone.
Admittedly, I sometimes cry when I think of the taunts or reception I get in school. And they just get worse day by day. But most people are ignorant AND arrogant in that wasteland. I can’t change that. If people waste their time obsessing on what I am not, it’s their problem, not mine. I like who I am. At least I’m not slutty or lazy or cheap.
So…yeah. I may have more people who don’t like me but at least those who actually do like me appreciate me for who I really am.As the late and great Kurt Cobain says, “I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” :)
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Neil Armstrong Dies at the Age of 82
Neil Armstrong, former astronaut and forever a hero, has died at the age of 82 due to complications from cardiovascular procedures.
He is also well-known for commanding the Apollo 11 mission to the moon with Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin.
He is also well-known for commanding the Apollo 11 mission to the moon with Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin.
And also, he is forever marked in our minds and history books as the very first man on the moon.
"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," he said as 600 million people watched him walk out in the moon on their televisions.
Mr. Armstrong is also known to be a very private and humble man. He always thought that his huge accomplishments were not only that of his, but thousands as well.
i can't help but upload another pic! He's kinda good-looking, too! ;D
May you rest in peace, Neil. :)
It's Gonna Be Okay
For the longest time, I've suffered with inner demons. It made me emotionally unstable for a long time and wish I could just disappear from the face of the earth. Thing is, I had to hide that fact from everyone. I felt that no one would understand.
Call me sad. Call me lonely. Call me depressed. There's so much words to describe that kind of intense loneliness but to be honest, I cannot even begin about the emotional torments I had to endure for years.
To be honest, I don't know when it started. All I know is I was young. Not too young, though. As I got older, more personal problems ensued thus escalating my depression. That was when everything went crazy.
I remember crying a few times a day, everyday for a few months. That happened when I left my old school. I can't stand leaving the one place that made me happy; I was so depressed at home with every personal problem I had to go through. My friends made me happy and walking through those gates did, too. I just missed it too much.
My deep sadness started getting deeper. It was beyond my disappointment with leaving such a great school and personal problems at home; it was already within me already. The times I would cry, it would be for so many reasons: self-pity, emotional turmoils, etc but at the same there would be no reason at all. I hated my life. I didn't have the energy to do anything. I was suicidal, too. Suicide crossed my mind more times than anything. I was too afraid to hold a knife, especially the ones that are so big and sharp. I couldn't trust myself to do so because I know I might harm myself. But at the same time, I was too afraid to die. I can't fathom the thought. I feared death just when I thought about it too much. Isn't that weird?
As time started getting rougher, my poor little heart couldn't take it. My eyes were always swollen. I didn't fix myself up anymore. I just lost interest in EVERYTHING. What made it worse was I felt I had to face my inner demons alone. I tried telling my sister I was depressed, but she didn't get it and forgot about it. That hit me hard. I had no one whom I could tell how I feel. No shoulder to cry on. No one. I felt ALONE
But beneath all that sadness, I always had that one spark of hope in me. Hope that everything will get better, eventually. I may not live the ideal kind of life, but I have so much things to be grateful for. I was alive and healthy. I had all the chances in the world--even if it seemed really impossible then--to go out and work on my goals.
Now, I'm much happier. Sure, I can't help but weep or breakdown sometimes but I know I experience a little rain while walking down to that road to eternal happiness. I still have those inner demons and am still battling them. I also have other demons(Read: Bullies and haters)to fight, too. But I know I could make it. I can't let them make me feel like I'll give up on my life. I have so much to live for.
I also have some good friends whom I told my depression about, and they help me somehow in their own way to keep me strong. But I know it's all up to me to defeat it. So technically, I'm still facing it alone but at least not as lonely anymore.
Truth be told, I sometimes can't believe it that I made it at the age of 17. I've always feared that I might give in to my suicidal thoughts and depression then. Maybe all we need when we feel extreme depression is that one spark of hope that someday we will make it out of it. :)
Call me sad. Call me lonely. Call me depressed. There's so much words to describe that kind of intense loneliness but to be honest, I cannot even begin about the emotional torments I had to endure for years.
To be honest, I don't know when it started. All I know is I was young. Not too young, though. As I got older, more personal problems ensued thus escalating my depression. That was when everything went crazy.
I remember crying a few times a day, everyday for a few months. That happened when I left my old school. I can't stand leaving the one place that made me happy; I was so depressed at home with every personal problem I had to go through. My friends made me happy and walking through those gates did, too. I just missed it too much.
My deep sadness started getting deeper. It was beyond my disappointment with leaving such a great school and personal problems at home; it was already within me already. The times I would cry, it would be for so many reasons: self-pity, emotional turmoils, etc but at the same there would be no reason at all. I hated my life. I didn't have the energy to do anything. I was suicidal, too. Suicide crossed my mind more times than anything. I was too afraid to hold a knife, especially the ones that are so big and sharp. I couldn't trust myself to do so because I know I might harm myself. But at the same time, I was too afraid to die. I can't fathom the thought. I feared death just when I thought about it too much. Isn't that weird?
As time started getting rougher, my poor little heart couldn't take it. My eyes were always swollen. I didn't fix myself up anymore. I just lost interest in EVERYTHING. What made it worse was I felt I had to face my inner demons alone. I tried telling my sister I was depressed, but she didn't get it and forgot about it. That hit me hard. I had no one whom I could tell how I feel. No shoulder to cry on. No one. I felt ALONE
But beneath all that sadness, I always had that one spark of hope in me. Hope that everything will get better, eventually. I may not live the ideal kind of life, but I have so much things to be grateful for. I was alive and healthy. I had all the chances in the world--even if it seemed really impossible then--to go out and work on my goals.
Now, I'm much happier. Sure, I can't help but weep or breakdown sometimes but I know I experience a little rain while walking down to that road to eternal happiness. I still have those inner demons and am still battling them. I also have other demons(Read: Bullies and haters)to fight, too. But I know I could make it. I can't let them make me feel like I'll give up on my life. I have so much to live for.
I also have some good friends whom I told my depression about, and they help me somehow in their own way to keep me strong. But I know it's all up to me to defeat it. So technically, I'm still facing it alone but at least not as lonely anymore.
Truth be told, I sometimes can't believe it that I made it at the age of 17. I've always feared that I might give in to my suicidal thoughts and depression then. Maybe all we need when we feel extreme depression is that one spark of hope that someday we will make it out of it. :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Thoughts on Habagat
This post was written last week, during the merciless reign of that stupid Habagat. I just thought of putting it here.
So You Guys Have heard about the storm here in the Philippines? It’s really terrible. The last time we were in a state of calamity like this was nearly three years ago when a similar(though nothing comparable)storm hit us.
The last time I went out was last Wednesday which had the most devastating rains. Ever. At first, it was sunny so we thought “hey, let’s go out. Let’s buy more supplies and let’s go with my dad to his weekly novena in this church 2 millions miles away from home.” Then it fucking rained. Then it stopped. Then it rained harder. Then the cycle goes on and on. My brother had to call home and my sister told him “Oh yeah the flood inside and outside the house that was thigh-high? It’s like stomach deep already.” Which is kinda low in our area since the others are above man level already.
Going home was a pain. It was hard commuting to Baclaran Church(the church my Dad goes to every Wednesday and despite the rains, he was so adamant to go since it was Baclaran day and shit) but it was somewhat easier to go home though hard in the eyes to see the roads going home so flooded. Like the roads in my school was literally a lake during the storm(until now). I see my friends houses so flooded and all. No one is spared in this storm. Not even my rich friends who lived in the exclusive area(which have, like, 10 foot floods and will literally take a few months to vanish). And especially not my friends who live in the lower parts of the area(their houses are fully submerged because they live near the river).
One week of no classes, though most will be happy about it at the mere mention, was hell. Next week is exams week and we have tons to tackle this week had not the strong Southwest Monsoon made us suffer like this. It gives me time to finish my projects for my clearance, but I still get distracted with the fact that the Pacific Ocean is on the lower level of my house or it’s raining cats and dogs outside.
It’s raining now. It’s been a day. We had better weather yesterday. And the weather forecasters say there’s gonna be another LPA which I hope won’t escalate to another monsoon. Let’s just hope it won’t affect this country. It’s been through much already. Too much.
So You Guys Have heard about the storm here in the Philippines? It’s really terrible. The last time we were in a state of calamity like this was nearly three years ago when a similar(though nothing comparable)storm hit us.
The last time I went out was last Wednesday which had the most devastating rains. Ever. At first, it was sunny so we thought “hey, let’s go out. Let’s buy more supplies and let’s go with my dad to his weekly novena in this church 2 millions miles away from home.” Then it fucking rained. Then it stopped. Then it rained harder. Then the cycle goes on and on. My brother had to call home and my sister told him “Oh yeah the flood inside and outside the house that was thigh-high? It’s like stomach deep already.” Which is kinda low in our area since the others are above man level already.
Going home was a pain. It was hard commuting to Baclaran Church(the church my Dad goes to every Wednesday and despite the rains, he was so adamant to go since it was Baclaran day and shit) but it was somewhat easier to go home though hard in the eyes to see the roads going home so flooded. Like the roads in my school was literally a lake during the storm(until now). I see my friends houses so flooded and all. No one is spared in this storm. Not even my rich friends who lived in the exclusive area(which have, like, 10 foot floods and will literally take a few months to vanish). And especially not my friends who live in the lower parts of the area(their houses are fully submerged because they live near the river).
One week of no classes, though most will be happy about it at the mere mention, was hell. Next week is exams week and we have tons to tackle this week had not the strong Southwest Monsoon made us suffer like this. It gives me time to finish my projects for my clearance, but I still get distracted with the fact that the Pacific Ocean is on the lower level of my house or it’s raining cats and dogs outside.
It’s raining now. It’s been a day. We had better weather yesterday. And the weather forecasters say there’s gonna be another LPA which I hope won’t escalate to another monsoon. Let’s just hope it won’t affect this country. It’s been through much already. Too much.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Crazy for The Coveteur
If there is one site I visit more frequently that isn't a social network(Facebook, Tumblr etc), it's got to be The Coveteur. I love looking at their current Coveteur's closet and fashion pieces and even reading about what they do. It's like I get to live their lives vicariously just by looking at these pictures. Who knows? If I end up having an enviable collection of shoes, bags, jewelry, art and clothes, I might get Coveteur-ed someday. Echos. ;D
What I also love is that the usual suspects for their closet and home raids are magazine editors, stylists and designers rather than starlets(but hey, I'm not gonna complain if they raid Miley Cyrus' or Alexa Chung's closets!). Below are some of my fave Coveteur photos. I do not own them and all rights belong to them. Enjoy :)
What I also love is that the usual suspects for their closet and home raids are magazine editors, stylists and designers rather than starlets(but hey, I'm not gonna complain if they raid Miley Cyrus' or Alexa Chung's closets!). Below are some of my fave Coveteur photos. I do not own them and all rights belong to them. Enjoy :)
There are so many pictures I would love to show here so expect a part 2 soon. :)
Thursday, August 2, 2012
O Hai There, Odair!
With all the whirlwind I got caught in in my school, it was only recently I got to know some of the people cast in the second Hunger Games film, Catching Fire. *fangirling*
I've been DYING to know who got cast as FINNICK ODAIR. My bestfriend and I have been having bets(hers is Ian Somerhalder. Mine was Chace Crawford) on who'll play Finnick and it was announced that SAM CLAFIN(of Snow White and the Hunstman) will play him.
I wasn't too thrilled at first when Clafin snagged the role of Finnick(NATE ARCHIBALD 5EVA), but gwapo naman sya diba? ;D
Other actors who got cast in Catching Fire are Philip Seymour Hoffman(Plutarch Heavensbee), Amanda Plummer(Wiresss) and Jenna Malone(Johanna Mason).
Gaaaaah. They better start filming soon! :D
I've been DYING to know who got cast as FINNICK ODAIR. My bestfriend and I have been having bets(hers is Ian Somerhalder. Mine was Chace Crawford) on who'll play Finnick and it was announced that SAM CLAFIN(of Snow White and the Hunstman) will play him.
I wasn't too thrilled at first when Clafin snagged the role of Finnick(NATE ARCHIBALD 5EVA), but gwapo naman sya diba? ;D
Other actors who got cast in Catching Fire are Philip Seymour Hoffman(Plutarch Heavensbee), Amanda Plummer(Wiresss) and Jenna Malone(Johanna Mason).
Gaaaaah. They better start filming soon! :D
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Passion for Paintings
I love art. I really appreciate it and wish I had artistic talent. My
siblings have it and I am sad to say I'm the only one who didn't
inherit any. Such shame. Huhu
But I do love admiring art. I don't know extensively about painters and stuff, but I try to by looking at books and surfing the net. Below are some of my favorite artwork :D
1. Young Flautist by Edouard Manet
It's such an iconic painting. Ang tanong lang: Ano ang nilalaro ng bata? We may never know.
2. Cafe Terrace by Vincent Van Gogh
I love Van Gogh's paintings(and his name because it reminds me of this guy). Cafe Terrace is definitely one of my faves. It makes you wish you were just there in the painting, sipping coffee with a special guy. ;)
3. Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer by Gustav Klimt
This is probably my all time favorite painting. Not only is it sparkly(Spaaaaarklyyyyy @__@), but it looks so luxe, so rich. I love the contrast between the classically beautiful woman and the art deco inspired motif.
4. Pencil Study of Dance in the Country by Auguste Renoir
Okay. I like the painting but I like this pencil study better. It somehow looks very romantic because of it's simplicity and lack of colors.
5. Portrait of Auguste Renoir by Frédéric Bazille
What I like here is that this looks as if it was painted by Van Gogh. And it also kinda looks like an old fashioned stolen shot este painting since Auguste's pose here doesn't look contrived(heck, I don't think he knew he was being painted by Frédéric!) and his eyes aren't staring into your soul.
But I do love admiring art. I don't know extensively about painters and stuff, but I try to by looking at books and surfing the net. Below are some of my favorite artwork :D
1. Young Flautist by Edouard Manet
It's such an iconic painting. Ang tanong lang: Ano ang nilalaro ng bata? We may never know.
2. Cafe Terrace by Vincent Van Gogh
I love Van Gogh's paintings(and his name because it reminds me of this guy). Cafe Terrace is definitely one of my faves. It makes you wish you were just there in the painting, sipping coffee with a special guy. ;)
3. Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer by Gustav Klimt
This is probably my all time favorite painting. Not only is it sparkly(Spaaaaarklyyyyy @__@), but it looks so luxe, so rich. I love the contrast between the classically beautiful woman and the art deco inspired motif.
4. Pencil Study of Dance in the Country by Auguste Renoir
Okay. I like the painting but I like this pencil study better. It somehow looks very romantic because of it's simplicity and lack of colors.
5. Portrait of Auguste Renoir by Frédéric Bazille
What I like here is that this looks as if it was painted by Van Gogh. And it also kinda looks like an old fashioned stolen shot este painting since Auguste's pose here doesn't look contrived(heck, I don't think he knew he was being painted by Frédéric!) and his eyes aren't staring into your soul.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Kristen Kerida
If you are a stupid hopeless romantic who lives under a rock totally unaware of gossip and such, you'd find this cute.
But if you know media all too well, then you'd recognize that woman is one half of a very powerful Hollywood couple.
Yes, folks. Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson. I never thought I would say this, but I feel bad for the bloke.
This is the guy she had a fling with whilst being with Rob, Snow White and the Hunstman director Rupert Sanders.
...Who happens to be married to hip actress, Liberty Ross(who had a small role playing Snow White's--played by KRISTEN--mom in the film).
This scandal is HUGE; until now people are still talking about it. What I liked, though, was Kristen and
Friday, July 27, 2012
Cheers to Love
Cheers to the fact that I am in denial about still liking you
Cheers to the sleepless nights I get just thinking about you
Cheers to the times I’ve done things for you but you never even seem to care
Cheers to the disappointment I feel whenever your big brown eyes ignore me when I’m around
Cheers to that shitty feeling I get knowing you’ll never like me as much as you like her
Cheers to the tears I shed because of these
Seriously. Cheers to fucking love
What The...?
How could a girl go from this...
To this?
Her name is Courtney Stodden. What makes this girl a bit worthy for me to write about is that this girl is only 17 YEARS OLD. Yes. She is 17 and trotting around like a porn star. I know Taylor Momsen gets backlash for dressing similarly, but at least I love her and she isn't a baby bride.
"Seriously. What's the big deal about how I dress anyway?"
But still, it is kinda weird to be a parent and see your kid make out like this let alone if she's still a teenager.
Great. More reasons to question the kids of my generation. :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)