Sorry for the lack of updates. School is obviously making me more busy than summer ever did to me. But forgive me if my first post in weeks will sound like a whiny one.
Okay, so I hate it. I hate my classmates and I question the ones I consider my friends there. Academically, I'm doing okay but I could do better. 18/35 in a quiz is technically a fail for me. I remember during my first day of school, I had so much homework to do that I had to sleep at 1 AM that night. Also, there goes being the smartest in class last year: I'm classmates with other honor roll students so the competition is tough if I want to be ahead of them this year.
I still get bullied and I hate it that people don't take me seriously in class. It's like, when I try to talk to them decently, they say silly and annoying things or maybe they just nod like they get it when I can tell every word I tell them just escapes their ears. Ugh.
I also hate it that I am not technically batch mates let alone classmates with my friends. I can tell they feel a bit bummed about my move to another batch. I try to hang out with them as much as I can, but I somehow feel the distance already.
But what I hate the most is that I am classmates with the one guy I am trying to forget.
I had a huge crush on this guy for so long so imagine how heartbreaking it was when I had to stop liking him since I hate that he never knew how I felt and he also liked another girl. I think I've spoken about him here a few times. I tried to get over him over the summer and I succeeded....or so I thought when I first saw him in school this school year.
At first, I was a bit nervous that he would be my classmate and he actually was. Then I thought, for old time's sake, I will try to get to know this guy since I've always wanted to know what was beneath those good looks and quite demeanor. Not that I like him; I've heard too much negatives about him and I just want to know if what they say is true. He seemed like a nice guy to be friends with compared to the rowdy bullies in my class.
And he actually is. We don't talk as much as he talks to his friends more, but every exchange I had with him was relevant. I swoon over his manners. I secretly feel kilig when his name gets called in class. I look at him a lot and just like observing him(creepy, I know). I like that I managed to make him laugh or smile a few times since he looks so serious all the time. I love it when he says "Hi Gillian". My neck hairs stand when I see him look at me out of the blue.
It seems like bullies and nerds are not just the problems I expected to deal with before I entered school. It looks like my heart will be a part of them........and I don't want it to again.
Awww, I'm sorry for how you feel. D; Actually, I'm the same as you! Scratch the top in class + different batch. We get pressured just because we don't have the same IQ as the rest. Just because someone has high grades doesn't make them a nerd and get bullied with that reason. Your classmates just envy you. I admire your determination to be top on your class. I'm not bragging or anything, but I'm above average but not exactly excelling at everything. And that's what you have that others don't, determination. Don't let them crush you, okay? Your friends, they'll understand you if they really did care. If they really care, they should have the determination to hang out with you. You can message me or something even though we're not really close. He he. I don't even make sense for someone who gives advice to someone older than me. (Sorry idk your age :<)
ReplyDeleteAww, you like someone! How I wish my crush says hi to me whenever we see each other, too. I'm basically awkward at school and they see me on my mahinhin side unless I'm with my friends haha. Since he says hi to you, maybe he wants to be friends with you! Guys rarely does that. So go take the chance! There's nothing wrong with being friends and liking, right? Who knows, he might fall for you, too. But if you're hurting na, just stop, okay? :(
Well, I'm not really good with these stuff eh. I'm really sorry. Uhm, I hope this comment made you feel better. Okay, bye! :))
http://whimsical-ish.blogspot.com/
Thanks for your comment. :) Actually, my friends and I do hang out a lot but of course, the difference of our school schedules and work kills bonding time at times. And I'm starting to get to know some people in class, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm still working on being friends with "him" :)). It may be a slow process, but I'll get to know him eventually. Maybe if I won't be with him romantically like I wanted before, I know it's way better to be friends with him. It's a bit awkward being around him or even being the first person to say hi, but I'll get over it.
Yeah. Your comment did made me feel a bit better. Ahahaha :)) Yeah. Maybe we should message some time :)