Sorry for the lack of updates. School is obviously making me more busy than summer ever did to me. But forgive me if my first post in weeks will sound like a whiny one.
Okay, so I hate it. I hate my classmates and I question the ones I consider my friends there. Academically, I'm doing okay but I could do better. 18/35 in a quiz is technically a fail for me. I remember during my first day of school, I had so much homework to do that I had to sleep at 1 AM that night. Also, there goes being the smartest in class last year: I'm classmates with other honor roll students so the competition is tough if I want to be ahead of them this year.
I still get bullied and I hate it that people don't take me seriously in class. It's like, when I try to talk to them decently, they say silly and annoying things or maybe they just nod like they get it when I can tell every word I tell them just escapes their ears. Ugh.
I also hate it that I am not technically batch mates let alone classmates with my friends. I can tell they feel a bit bummed about my move to another batch. I try to hang out with them as much as I can, but I somehow feel the distance already.
But what I hate the most is that I am classmates with the one guy I am trying to forget.
I had a huge crush on this guy for so long so imagine how heartbreaking it was when I had to stop liking him since I hate that he never knew how I felt and he also liked another girl. I think I've spoken about him here a few times. I tried to get over him over the summer and I succeeded....or so I thought when I first saw him in school this school year.
At first, I was a bit nervous that he would be my classmate and he actually was. Then I thought, for old time's sake, I will try to get to know this guy since I've always wanted to know what was beneath those good looks and quite demeanor. Not that I like him; I've heard too much negatives about him and I just want to know if what they say is true. He seemed like a nice guy to be friends with compared to the rowdy bullies in my class.
And he actually is. We don't talk as much as he talks to his friends more, but every exchange I had with him was relevant. I swoon over his manners. I secretly feel kilig when his name gets called in class. I look at him a lot and just like observing him(creepy, I know). I like that I managed to make him laugh or smile a few times since he looks so serious all the time. I love it when he says "Hi Gillian". My neck hairs stand when I see him look at me out of the blue.
It seems like bullies and nerds are not just the problems I expected to deal with before I entered school. It looks like my heart will be a part of them........and I don't want it to again.
