Broken Vow

I remember my first taste of heartbreak back in 2007. I remember how much I liked this boy who was more annoyed than flattered with my attention down to the point that he avoids me a lot and even pretended to be gay(allegedly). I cried a few times because of that and from then on, I vowed never to cry because of a boy.

Through the years, I’ve had ups and downs with my love life though nothing worth crying about. Maybe there were a lot, but I never had any tears running down my face because remembering that vow is some reflex when a boy problem comes along.

But it was different a few days ago. I’ve like this guy for quite some time now. Such a long time. So much personal sacrifices. If he ever knew how I felt…I’m not sure. I tried to keep it a secret from him, though. But I was hopeful that he might feel the same way for me that I do for him. There were clues, but I realized how stupid they were when I knew that he probably likes another girl. I was crushed by my crush. I was adamant not to cry over shit.

…or so I thought. I got home, listened to my iPod and started bawling. I never felt more sorry and mad at myself ever. I liked him so, so much. I never expected him to like me back, but it did feel good thinking I had a very good chance of being his girlfriend. I thought I had things down already; all he had to do was be friends with me then bam!

But fate has a funny(if not sad) way of showing that I should'nt expect too much. He was just a crush after all and it isn't me to actually think of possibilities of what we could be. But I have never liked anyone as much as I liked him. Ever. For me to cry over him makes me feel like a weakling but I guess he was the second guy in my entire life that I've liked so much so long. Maybe one day I'll run into another person who'll make me feel that way for him or maybe even stronger, but he won't hurt me or make my cry.

The fact that tears went down out of hurt is enough for me to stop liking this boy, but how come I still think of him?