Love me, Love me Not

Have you ever been hated on? Diba, it's not really a good feeling? We all don't want to be thought negatively by other people. When you realize someone hates you, it just makes you ask yourself, "What's wrong with me?"

I have to admit, back in my old school I dealt with people not really liking me. I never stepped on anyone's shoes before because I was only in school to study, but somehow there's always this person who hated me for stupid reasons and that distracted me a bit from my studies.

I'd always give a shit about what people think of me before and it will kill me if someone doesn't like me. I mean, I don't want anyone to think negative about me, right? I remember when I got hate from some girls in my old school, I would act like I didn't care when deep inside, I was bawling. I have to admit that some of the things they said behind my back are pretty hurtful, even until now. What hurt was that even some of my friends would backstab me.

So with that, I started not trusting anyone. I used to be so open to people then suddenly, my guard just went up to a fault. Truth be told, I didn't become so open to people because I was always afraid I'd be hated on again. Even though I have more friends than enemies, it did bother me that there's someone--even just one--who disliked me.

Recently at my new school, people there have mixed opinions about me. Be warned that the school I study in is small and everyone knows everyone well so when they see a new kid come along--BAM! New face to critique.

I've experienced the bullying from people like they'd make fun of how I speak English and call me "Inglisera" which is funny because I talk 98% of the time in Filipino there. Also, people find me weird. I mean,how many times do I get weird stares from people or maybe absolute silence from the person I talk to when I speak to them? What makes it weirder i that the people who don't really like me are people I don't even know. It's funny how people could make so much assumptions about you when they don't really talk to you if not don't even speak to you at all.

To be honest, for the sake of my siblings, I had to alter my true personality a bit in school so I wouldn't embarrass them so I did get pissed that I already acted the way people want me to act in school so why am I still being hated on? It's funny, but being judged by girls alone.

I have to admit that if I studied in my school a few years ago, I wouldn't survive. But age gets the better of you and with age comes wisdom so yeah, I quit caring about what other people think. I decided that it was foolish to hide my true personality and that I'd rather be hated on for being me than being some fake.

So now, every time I walk in the school grounds I try to ignore what I always hear about myself. It's funny, but people have the nerve to say and laugh about so much things about someone but they never say it or do it to their faces so yeah, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? People put people down there because of boredom. Someone told me that--like I mentioned earlier--everyone knows everyone there so some people who are bored of picking on the same people they did for years start picking on me.

I also learned that people put you down because of jealousy and insecurity. I don't know what makes me enviable to some people but I learned firsthand from someone that she and some other girls are like that because I was "perfect": pretty face, intelligent mind, good speaker and someone who seems to get guys' attention a lot. It's funny they saw these things in me because I don't. I always think that I'm pretty blah in the face and I think that my IQ is not as impressive as people I know and my speaking skills are nothing compared to my old schoolmates. Also, I guffaw a lot at the "I get guys' attention" thing because guys in my school care more about DOTA than chicks.

As much as I talk about how much people don't like me in school, I'm pretty proud to say that my friends there outnumber them. It's a great feeling knowing that you've got people behind your back and know they'll totally be there for you.

But the lesson learned here is that you shouldn't let anyone get to you and change you. When I was younger, a group of girls in my old school hated me so my self-esteem dropped. Now, the fact that someone actually wastes time and saliva talking about you whether good or bad somehow boosts your ego a bit and makes you more determined to be a better version of you so they'd regret ever making fun of you. Also remember that people's opinion about you is objective. Just because one person hates you, everyone does. It doesn't go on like that, dude.

So guys, the next time you realize that someone doesn't like you, never ask youself, "What's wrong with me?" But rather, "What's wrong with THEM?" (Not unless you are a bully, slut or Casey Anthony, you need a reality check and ask yourself what the fuck is wrong with yourself).