All's (un)fair in Love

Have you had your heart broken?

Well, I did. A couple of times, actually. My very first heartbreak was at 12 years old. I had this massive crush on one guy who also goes to the same Kumon center as I did. Let's just call him "Gay Dude". Whenver he's around, I get unbelievably noisy as fuck. My sibling suspect that I like him and I always argue to them that I don't even like the dude and he's gay hence my little nickname for him.

I suspect that he also suspected that I liked him because it became obvious that he avoided me at all costs. Whenver I did notice that he avoided me, I would cry about it at home. But still, I liked him until that one unfortunate day happened: As my siblings and I finished Kumon, the three of us were about to go down the escalator when I saw my crush in the opposite escalator. He was about to go up with his guy friend, whom I noticed the Gay Dude was questionably close to. It's like the two were holding hands or something. I told me siblings, "Ha! Told you he was gay!" when deep inside, I was crushed as hell. Once I got home, I cried. Looking back, Gay Dude was the only guy I ever cried about and it was so lame I've cried a few times because of him. Of course, I got over the fella. A few years has passed since I've experienced that heartbreak I realizes that the Gay Dude was actually straight and possibly did that little show he did with his friend in front of me just so I'll unlike the Gay Dude. If I knew this years ago, I would've been devastated than I already was but now, I just laughed at the whole thing. I mean, it's his loss because that 12 year old girl grew up already and she just got better with age mentally(and physically. lol).

I've experienced another heartbreak months ago. I liked this dude and I met him at a school party. I remember when I was introduced to the fella, we hit it off immediately but the catch was he was the cousin of my friend and she was the one who introduced him to me. I didn't want to make a move on him because he's related to my friend and I don't like to ruin a good friendship over a boy. But the dude liked me and made it a point to say cheesy lines and such to me(who was kilig naman over them *cringe*). I made it clear to him before that I cannot have a boyfriend and I don't really trust guys a lot but what he didn't know was I trusted him even if we knew each other for a limited amount of time. He was cousins with my friend and they're close so he must be good.

I realized that the boy wasn't all I thought he was. I realized that a day or two before we met, he just broke things off with his girlfriend. I mean, I remember after a week of knowing him, he indirectly told me he was in love with me. I mean, what IS that? Am I a rebound or something to him? Ugh. And not only that, when I told him a dark secret of mine, he actually stopped talking to me. WHAT IS DAT???!!! Does he expect me to be perfect? Not only that; I learned he was messing aroud with some other girls, too. I know we're not a couple but come on, man. Why did you have to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world? (lol)

It broke my heart that this boy was a jerk because admittedly, in a perfect world he could've been my boyfriend. IIt was a good thing I never really responded to what he really wanted because things could've been more complicated. I remember my sister telling me I shouldn't even think about this dude because all he notices in me are probably my looks and once he sees another pretty girl, he'll stop talking to me. I should've known he fools around with girls because he even admitted on his Facebook that he was a 3 timer. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS DAT? IS HE STOOOOOOPID? I CAN'T BELIEVE I LIKED SOMEONE STUPID!

My bestfriend did a little something so I won't have to experience liking the wrong dude again. She listed down ALL the things I want in a guy in a piece of paper so the next time I like a dude, she'll bring out that sheet of a paper cotaining all the qualities I want in a dude and if the dude I currently like doesn't fit the criteria, she'll tell me he has to go or else. I appreciated her in doing this for me because I tend to get blindsided when I like someone.

Now, I'm smarter and more cautious when it comes to love. I look back at the times I liked all these dochebags and think about how pathetic I was. If you ask me if I regret liking those guys who broke my heart....well, yeah but in some way they helped me realize what I really want in someone. Someone who isn't like them. And you know, I'm okay with having nobody liking me. Who needs a boyfriend when you've got your girlfriends? They're the ones who always have my back. :D