Pageant Phobia(A Really Long and Boring Entry that is long overdue)

Don't let that picture below fool ya; I'm really not into pageants. Against it even.
I do like watching pageants like Ms. Universe but me joining one? PREPOSTEROUS!

Satin is a very unforgiving fabric. Made me look like I gained lbs :P

But I did end up joining one last Feb 14. A two month preparation was made and it took a toll on me emotionally and physically. Here's the story:

Okay. So late November, my adviser asked me to join our school's annual pageant which usually takes place during Foundation Week. Me, being fond of saying no, said no. But she tells me that I was perfect and that I could win it, especially with the Q&A. I began thinking twice, but still said no. When she started bringing up facts that it was not only her who wanted me in the pageant but other members of the faculty as well, that's when I started considering it.

BIG MISTAKE. For one, I am quite insecure of myself and two, sure I am good at answering stuff but will I do so in front of the whole school? And also, there was this issue about the way I walk. People laugh at the way I walk. It's like I'm chasing the last bus at the bus stop or am chasing chickens.

And that infamous way of walking became even more known during the launching of the pageant early December; someone actually said I looked like I was about to trip. My adviser says I walked too fast again. Oh God. ]

So, she was adamant to make me strut well on the pageant so she taught me how to walk...in heels. I mean, I already know how to walk in heels--actually, even run in them!--but to actually walk in a pace that people could easily catch up is something I have yet to cover. I remember bringing my highest heels to school and my adviser teaching me how to walk and turn like a beauty queen in the long hallway. No joke. After class, I practiced walking on that frickin hallway outaide my classroom. Eventually, my walk has improved a great deal.

Part of the whole pageant process was this canvassing thing and it will happen thrice before the pageant starts. It's where I ask money from people or when people drop money on my canister when it's really just a popularity contest. Lucky me, I was quite a hit with the grade school kids since they love dropping their moolah on me. Fellow high schoolers should be ashamed of themselves. Hahaha.

But it wasn't all roses for me during that experience; someone actually stole some money during my second canister. Never mind if it was 70 pesos; I still felt devastated and cried. During my third and last canister, someone stole the whole canister. That is when I began to lose it. Imagine a whole canister of money lost. I will never forget how awful it felt for me. I know I wasn't the only one, but still it was dreadful. I nearly dropped out of the pageant because of that but it seemed to be too late now.

Also, one of the things I did to prepare for the pageant was--gasp!--diet and exercise. I would wake up very very early in the morning just to exercise and I had to give up eating and drinking junk. I lost too much lbs to the point that it concerned my parents. My Dad keeps telling me to eat because I look so thin and my mom says my face doesn't look as fresh anymore. So I gave up exercising(but not entirely though; whilst preparing for the pageant, I also had to practice for a festival number for Foundation Week and God, it beats cardio any day!).

One of the best thing that happened in the preparation process was the motorcade. ANG BONGGA NOH. MAY MOTORCADE PA . It was stressful thinking about the car to rent and how to decorate it(my fellow contestant friends and I had to chip in on the expenses) but boy, the stress was worth it. For that whole morning of the motorcade, I felt like a movie star(or maybe a movie star impostor), waving hi to people and them waving hi back at me. The muscles on my jaw hurt from smiling and the balls of my feet burn from standing in sky high heels but hey, I'm not a movie star after all and don't make a living out of feeling that pain. Also, we passed by a lot of places, C-6 being my favorite. The air felt cool there and everything was so lush and green. Sadly, in the next few years, that place will get developed and the paradise of sorts that is C-6 will be gone and be C-5's twin.

Anyways, the worst downside for me on preparing for the pageant was how it distracted me from a ton of things. I had my semi finals a week before last week and even if I had all the time to study, I couldn't concentrate well just because of the anxiety I feel for the upcoming pageant.

Fast forward the day of the pageant,  I got to school all made up, hair and all. I made sure I looked like myself  as much as possible. My adviser insists that minimalist makeup isn't for stage so she piled on the blush and foundation and lipstick. I ended up looking like a drag queen but she says it looks good especially with the stage lights.

While my makeup was stepped up a notch, my outfits weren't compared to the other contestants. The first division of the pageant was the Festival Wear. For my festival costume, I ended up using an outfit that was totally DIY-ed and walked barefoot onstage. I felt like a smurf next to the candidates, who looked tall and regal in their costumes.

God. Dressing up was the hardest thing, I tell ya. We dressed up in a classroom with absolutely NO curtains or anything to cover the windows. So people probably had a ball seeing me and the other girls in our underwear whilst putting on our outfits.

Next was the Casual Wear division wherein "Casual" is a simplified way of saying "Wearing-a-dress-you-wouldn't-dare-use-to-the-mall-Period". I wore this really cute dress that I feel any girl could wear while the other ladies wore cocktail dresses and guys wore their best polos and slacks. Gee. I probably didn't get the memo, then. Or maybe vice versa.

The Formal Wear was the last and most crucial part of the pageant. After all, not all people look good in a gown or tux. You could either look like you're wearing a six footer's skirt as dress or you're playing dress up with a French waiter's uniform.But thank God, all the contestants look pretty decent dressed up. I feel myself giggling over some of the guy contestants then lolwhuttt But that wasn't the case with me; I felt horrible. Unglamorous even. All the girls were dripping in jewels, wearing gowns that were obviously made for them while I recycled a gown I think I look hideous in(see pic above).

As much as I complain about not wanting to be part of the pageant, I still felt a jolt of disappointment when I learned I wasn't part of the Q&A round. I realized that you have to be dipped in jewels and makeup(as if the makeup part wasn't enough on me) to get the judges' attention. Also, I actually thought I would be able to shine in a big way through the Q&A even if I wasn't glamorous-looking as the other girls.

Imagine my surprise that most of the girls had a hard time answering the questions. It was painful to watch. One girl--who was so beautiful in her gown and even won an award for "Best in Formal Wear"--didn't even utter a thing. One girl did a boo boo in her answer by saying "I would like to congratulate myself...". Only one girl answered decently(and in English :P), heck, great even(but surprisingly, she didn't win). The rest? Meh.

Still, people noticed my disappointment. They were like, "Are you okay?" "You seem sad..." "There's always next year". I wanted to cry. I actually cried at home. I was that disappointed. I felt forced into this and I sacrificed a lot. I also kinda humiliated myself. For what? A shallow contest that promates beauty and brains when in reality you've got to show the judges you have beauty so you could show off your smarts. I don't think I want to join that kinda thing. I made it clear growing up that I would never join such a thing.

So will I say yes if I was asked to join another pageant? NO. HELL TO THA NAAAAA. No. No. No. No. No. Actually, I was asked to join the same pageant next year by some teachers and I'm like, "No. You can't make me. I don't want to." I would never join again. Never ever. I sound such a sore loser but please understand that I already was a loser to actually say yes in joining a pageant when I know it's something that's against what I believe in. So STFU. I won't join a pageant again and that's final.

I am not saying don't join a pageant or you'll die. In fact, I think it's great that others feel happy in doing that kinda thing. But it's not for me. I'm no beauty queen and I'm proud of that. :)